Couples therapy

The decision to start couples therapy is a powerful indicator of commitment to inquiry, exploration, and change in our intimate partnerships.  It also indicates the value each person places on their relationship.  This gives me hope when I sit down with a couple for the first time.  I hold that hope tenderly and may bring it forth in moments when the walls feel impenetrable or the troubles insurmountable.  I see my job as creating a safe container for each partner to share their grievances but also to develop an understanding of their partner’s experience.  I view relationships as co-creations, and relationship conflicts as the expression of wounds that have been embedded in negative patterns.  When some tender part of us feels threatened, we respond in instinctual ways, often without any preceding thought.  

When I sit with a couple, I focus on slowing things down so that we can see the pattern that is inhibiting connection.  Then we begin rebuilding connection by unpacking each partner’s needs and desires, and by expanding their capacity for shared vulnerability.  Entering into therapy with a couple is a privilege and participating in the re-creation of their bond is an experience I hold sacred.

In my work with couples, I pull from several schools of Couple Therapy.  I lean most heavily on Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), Internal Family Systems-Intimacy From The Inside Out (IFS-IFIO), The Developmental Model Of Couples Therapy, and other attachment and relational techniques.  In sessions, we may practice communication skills, such as Non-Violent Communication and empathic reflection, as a way to deepen understanding and create space for relating more vulnerably.  I encourage active feedback about how the process is going, which avenues feel fruitful and which feel frivolous.  I consider therapy to be a collaborative exercise where greater participation leads to greater success.